Couples Counseling
Relationships aren’t easy
With everything that life throws at us, relationship problems are inevitable. At times, we may feel unheard, underappreciated, and almost invisible as we navigate life with our partner.
The strain from relationships can make us irritable, angry, or over-reactive. Sometimes, it may seem like you can’t have an important conversation without it spiraling into an argument or fight.
Perhaps experiences you may have had in the past are negatively impacting your ability to fully connect with others now. Conversely, maybe the stress of your current life—or the natural evolution of your relationship—has left you longing for more intimacy and connection.
Relationship problems are a part of life
If you are like a lot of young couples juggling life and a career, you’ve probably already run into problems in your relationship or marriage. After all, the pressure to succeed and be the perfect couple can be exhausting, leaving little time, energy, and even hope for healing yourself or your relationship.
However, therapy teaches you how to collaborate as a couple to find greater meaning and connection in your partnership. Working as a team, both of you can finally feel validated, understood, and capable of responding to each other’s needs effectively.
Conflict comes up in every relationship
It’s hard being in a relationship. After all, we’re talking about bringing together two unique individuals who have most likely lived under wildly different circumstances, whether it’s their past relationships, upbringing, or personal experiences. Then, there is the added stress of work, finances, and inter-family relations. And if you’re raising kids, you are likely trying to balance the difference between two different parenting styles and skill sets.
Conflict is normal—it’s the way you handle it that matters
Learning how to appreciate differences and negotiate these dynamics is hard, but it is something that you can learn to do, especially with the help of a couples therapist. Whether you are healing old wounds, managing a recent betrayal, or navigating mental health issues, I want to help.
None of us are really taught how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict peacefully, or respond to the needs of others, especially romantic partners. So, of course, relationships can be challenging.
However, that’s where we can collaborate to develop powerful communication skills, identify solutions to current problems, and build a deeper connection. Working together, couples counseling can help you and your partner feel more secure and fulfilled in your relationship.
Couples therapy can be a way to heal yourself and your relationship
At the core of many relationship problems is the inability to communicate and respond to a partner’s needs without becoming defensive or argumentative. That’s largely because most people simply aren’t taught the skills to communicate and be empathetic, but it’s something we can all learn.
Moreover, it’s not always easy to understand when your partner is hurt or in need. Even when you interpret those signals correctly, it can still be incredibly challenging to respond in a healthy way.
Couple counseling offers a safe space where you can feel comfortable vocalizing feelings and concerns that otherwise may be difficult to share. It can help you better understand your needs as a couple and your needs as individuals. Working with a couples therapist can teach you how to communicate authentically, resolve conflict peacefully, and cultivate a more fulfilling relationship with your partner.
How my couples counseling sessions typically work
In our first session, I’ll meet with you as a couple to get a unified look at your relationship, the presenting issues causing you concern, and your collective goals. Then, I’ll dedicate one or two couples therapy sessions to working with each of you individually, exploring your uncensored thoughts, feelings, concerns, and hopes for the relationship. From that point forward, you’ll collaborate as a couple to begin the process of healing and reconnecting.
As we dive deeper in subsequent sessions, we’ll explore any needs that aren’t being met as well as any dynamics that may lead to conflict in your relationship. For instance, we may look at your personal background, history with past partners, upbringing, and your earliest attachments—after all, parents form the fundamental model of relationships for most people.
Being aware of the past and what you each may be bringing to the relationship is huge. It helps us understand why you argue, how you interact, and what you need to be happy and feel safe in your relationship with your partner—and with others.
Some of the tools we’ll likely use in couples counseling
One of the therapeutic methods I use is Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, for couples. It’s based on the acknowledgment that each of us adopts or learns certain behaviors at an early age due to various life experiences. Based on these experiences, we develop attachment styles that can lead to problematic emotional states and difficulty managing interpersonal relationships.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy allows us to explore any thoughts, feelings, or behaviors adopted in the past in order to find healthier ways of managing relationships in the present.
I also utilize non-violent communication—as most of us are never taught how to ask for what we need from a partner in a productive way. Non-violent communication provides you the skills to identify what needs are not being met in the relationship while showing you how to advocate for yourself in ways that your partner will be receptive to. It also teaches you how to respond to those needs and cues accordingly.
Ultimately, I want our work together to help you discover what makes you happy and give you a way to express your needs to your partner so that you can resolve conflict productively. As you gain insight into yourself and a different perspective on your partner’s experience, you can change unhealthy dynamics and improve your relationship as a whole.
Whether you are facing separation and divorce, intimacy issues, or communication problems, couples counseling can be truly transformational. It’s an amazing opportunity to learn about yourself, your partner, and what you need out of life in order to have more fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
Perhaps you have reservations about couples therapy…
I’m worried about the stigma of working with a couples or marriage counselor.
The healthiest couples I know have had or are in couples therapy. It shows an enormous amount of strength and motivation to make your relationship better. That kind of conviction is what we can use to improve communication, resolve conflict, and deepen the connection that you already have with your partner.
I am worried about the financial impact of couples therapy.
Our relationships—how we interact with each other and move through this complicated world—are often some of the most important aspects of our lives. Improving how you relate to your partner may be one of the best investments you can make. And it’s not forever. My hope is to get you to a place where you can navigate relationships in all areas of your life.
We’re already busy, so I worry that couples counseling won’t fit into our schedules.
Although couples therapy and marriage counseling require a commitment of time, it’s only an hour a week. That’s not meant to belittle your schedule. It only means that in a short time, with a little work, you can improve your relationship and your lives in profound ways. And because all my couples counseling services are conducted online, attending sessions is convenient and less demanding of your schedule.
Working together, we can deepen your connection and improve your relationship
If you are tired of being stuck in the same rut, repeating unhealthy patterns—or you just want to improve the way you relate to your partner, couples therapy can help. Please call (917) 310-5469 for your free, 15-minute consultation to see how we can work together to improve your relationship.
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